| writing piece |
[Jun. 27th, 2007|04:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | suveena's house | ] |
| [ | Current Type of Sexiness |
| |  high | ] |
| [ | Current Noise |
| | beastie boys' new album | ] |
this is part of a new thing I'm doing where I write off the top of my head right before going to sleep and first thing upon waking up.
enjoy.
"too soon," she muttered, and I believed her, too.
Sitting there, in that brief moment of understanding in the face of logic,
I realized all it took were those two spoken words and I was home again.
I soon faltered, though, as I wondered why I couldn't ever have those moments for myself.
"I've been cursed with too many things to say", I put it kindly to myself;
truthfully I just never know the appropriate times to shut up.
"This whole culture is built upon the concept of breaking people down..." I started,
"shhh..."
and I listened, too, grateful for someone finally speaking up.
Far too many people just let me go on and on,
as if I really want to be like this and they're just being tolerant, open-minded individuals.
Fuck this double-standard society. It never fails to leave me with a headache. No wonder so many people turn out to be pill-poppers.
As I stopped my thoughts short, it dawned upon me,
"I know the answer to the question you asked me earlier,"
but by now she was fast asleep, her cigarette smoldering in the tray beside her.
I decided to follow suit
and found myself asleep sometime while choosing whether to follow her or the cigarette. |
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| another poem via email spam |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|05:03 pm] |
i got another one of those creative-sounding spam emails, thought I'd share it (just for the fun of it, and lack of ideas for a real blog)
this isn't altered in any way...
over-indulgent new neighbors
gory but mostly not interesting Last year audiences stayed away
That worked in the book's favor
Behind the counter steps to win back their admiration and trust Los Angeles in private screening but hardly worth all the alarms
Floating-anagram techniques borrowed you don't
get to see the trailers sixteen-year old Malerie and there's an
immediate founded on the plausible
That worked in the book's favor
courage to stand
up for himself A curator at the Louvre uses his they must try to
unravel the People aren't waiting for the DVD on this one
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| I Posted This On Myspace a Couple Days Ago, but Nobody Comments on there, so I'm Reposting it here. |
[Aug. 2nd, 2006|11:13 pm] |
Those clouds bring heavy, heavy rain...
...And lifting is an awful lot of pain.
If there's one thing I've learned in this lifetime,
it's that life is acquired taste, and everyone has a different flavor.
Sorrow and Loneliness are both quite bittersweet.
Without sorrow, we'd certainly take the better things in life less seriously.
and without loneliness, It's easy to take those you love for granted.
I've heard people talk about sadness, and negative emotions in general,
as if it's something that's easy to avoid.
A direct quote is "You can be happy your whole life if you really want to".
Not to be "emo" (or the term I prefer, "melodra"),
but I could'nt disagree more.
As someone who's been through my own fair share of trauma in my life,
when good things come along and a streak of happiness, bliss,
and a child-like giddiness overtake my body,
I tend to latch onto to it all like an uncontent soul latches on life in the midst of death.
There's nothing more disheartening than to watch a good thing unravel,
but it's all part of a cycle out of our hands to control.
Over the years I've learned to accept this cycle,
and for the most part it's helped me cope with the harder things.
Now, I'm not saying I'm always stable when the shit really hits the fan,
and I'm not trying to imply some sort of enlightened coping method.
At my core I'm still as weak as the next creature
(I tend to cling on to depression for one thing)
I have many weaknesses and bad habits.
I guess what I'm trying to get at is,
sadness, anger, frustration, and all emotions most people see as "negative"
are unavoidable.
They're bound to come up sooner or later,
and at least in my experience,
they tend to be quite unexpected in timing.
Instead of trying to avoid them,
as it's probably natural to try to do,
it's way more beneficial to learn to cope with it
in ways that will make them pass easier.
When the person I was originally talking to about this theory brought it up,
it really disturbed me, and I felt like reflecting upon it in a blog.
By the way, for all you who I don't speak with on a daily basis,
who might be concerned about how I've been the past couple weeks,
let me assure you that I'm getting better and I'll be fine.
I've definitely been a lot worse off in my past, this is all easy in comparison. |
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| Now I'm posting with XJournal (experimenting) |
[Jul. 28th, 2006|08:16 am] |
| [ | Current Type of Sexiness |
| | artistic? | ] |
| [ | Current Noise |
| | When The Curious Girl Realizes She Is Under Glass - Bright Eyes | ] |
Oh the things you can do with livejournal.
It's pretty amazing really,
I mean...
I could just put a picture here 
just like that....
For someone who sucks as much at html as I do, thats an amazing feat.
I might post more now that it's more fun to.
Lately I've been living like Jesus:
my day's consist of being emo (uhhummm... i mean melodra) and walking 20 miles a day (not exaggerating).
Besides the typical miracle every now and then I don't do much.
Can't give a wrap-up of today because its only 8:10,
but yesterday Atticus came over.
we walked to suveena's house, cleaned and fed the rats.
later, we went downtown with Patrick, Arlo, Taylor, and Jenny? and made stickers at kinkos. That was really fun.
Out of nowhere Patrick apologized for "being a dick to me in Freshman Year" at Soquel High School. It's funny because there were so many dicks at Soquel High that I didn't even really remember Patrick being one of them until he reminded me of it.
He wasn't really a dick, just caught up in popularity.
I then asked him when why he changed, and he said in Junior year he just got sick of people.
Patrick's really cool. The moral of the story is, don't hold grudges...because everyone are just people...or something else you'd probably find in "Chicken Soup for the..." books.
Do they make Chicken Soup for the Satanist Soul?
or...Chicken Soup for the Nihilistic Soul...
i like the second one best...its funny if you know what Nihilists are :-p
that is all, I suppose. I feel like posting later, so expect one.
ONE MORE PICTURE
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| I feel like such a dork right now |
[Jul. 28th, 2006|07:50 am] |
I'm posting this using the LJ Talk thing. It's actually pretty cool, but I can't help but think I could probably make better usage of my time, even though there isn't much for me to do at 7:50 in the morning. WHY DONT ANY OF YOUUUUUU (you know who you are) WAKE UP AS EARLY AS ME...
I'm bored and there's nothing at can do about it. *like the planet of the apes guy* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! |
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| Thought I'd Pop In, --You know, say Hi and Such... --Mind If I Take a Look Around your Kitchen?? |
[Jun. 28th, 2006|11:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Type of Sexiness |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Noise |
| | Sunny Day Real Estate (Great Band) | ] |
Don't have much to say...
I'm kind of just hanging onto the notion of hanging on.
Things are not that great, yet excellent...yet, I don't know with a lot of things.
I'm Just Sticking With It All...and By "It All" I mean this movie (12 Steps) and everything else I've been putting all my energy into.
It used to just be creative, yet it's draining me physically now.
Please, God...If There Is Such a Thing...Let Me Accomplish Something.
I'm one of the types that are "only religious when times are hard" I suppose.
I'm not even religious though, I just need some outside support. Anyone will do, really. |
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| lush melodies can't hide the scars precariously placed by the coarse sand of time. |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|01:03 am] |
| [ | Current Type of Sexiness |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Noise |
| | Modest Mouse | ] |
bukowski at 1:00 in the morning is like drinking really dark, thick coffee,
he's really strange and cynical and kind of creepy...I dont know why I like him so much.
it's like a modest mouse album in novel-form.
any takers on an exchange of mix-tapes?
even if you're long-distance, im really looking for a mix-tape-sharing friend.
it can be like a pen-pal.
On "important" terms, I officially have all the actors I need for the movie.
All of them, not just some. I got 4 of them today alone. Productive doesn't even begin to explain it.
I feel as if a whole load of stress has been released from my back. it's been stressing me for a while now, more manic than usual...more break-downs than I feel comfortable with.
Modest Mouse. The Moon & Antarctica Expanded. BBC Version of "Tiny Cities Made of Ashes". Incredible.
I love a lot of people in this world, I know I'm an ass but I love you all.
I'm a little too out of control with my feelings sometimes. I suppose quite a lot.
I'm sorry, I really am. I really do love you, each and every one. |
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| An Album Recommendation |
[May. 24th, 2006|09:37 am] |
| [ | Current Type of Sexiness |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Noise |
| | Black Out | ] |
All of you interested in hearing new music should download/buy/or somehow else obtain:
"Album of the Year" by The Good Life
It's like a novel...it's a complete story with foreshadowing, allusions, and repetition of certain themes.
Also, it ends in an ingenius way.
I really did feel like I just read a book after listening to it all the through.
That is all. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 21st, 2006|10:59 am] |
| [ | Current Type of Sexiness |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Noise |
| | Bush | ] |
I'm a little stressed out (as of late...whatever that phrase means anyway...)
A bunch of things have been bothering me,
can't really help them either...
Suveena, Sophie, and Jessica are my solace...
You all have been fun to hang out with, helping me escape everything and all...
Sopherz est supaaaaar
Jessica we need to hang out more
Suveena, I love you
p.s. Where's Em? She's never around anymore lately... (school, work, and such most like.) |
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| Hypocrisy changed my life, how 'bout you?? |
[May. 20th, 2006|09:15 am] |
| [ | Current Type of Sexiness |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | Current Noise |
| | Joanna Newsom | ] |
I believe in god,
yes...
I
believe
in
god
simple as that, and I'm stating it as an infinite statement. Something that is in my core-being and always has been. Something that I might say many things to contradict, but -in the end, it remains my core-understanding.
Given, it's not the male ego-god of the christian church or other similar faiths,
or the female-formed goddess of various other religions
no, it's not even close to resembling a person or any physical figure...
I believe in god as an emotional energy flowing through the Universe...love, essentially.
God Is Love. My mom has been saying that for years and years, and in the past I've just accused it of being lovey-dovey-hippie-shit...but it holds so much truth to me today (and probably always has, beneath my immature denial of it in the past).
God Is Love. It all makes sense now. We're on this Earth to love. We're alive right now in this Universe to love.
Forget stressing about what that love should include, or who that love should be aimed towards, or how you express your love to different people.
Polygamous, Monogamous, Gay, Straight, Bisexual, Trisexual, Quazimoto-sexual...it doesn't fucking matter. want to have Roman Orgies? Great. Want to Include Sheep? As Long as you love them*.
Ok, Ok, the sheep thing is a little weird. I mean, I'm not going to necessarily stop someone from loving sheep or call them a freak. I'm a little too accepting I guess...
This is distracting me from what I intended to get across...
I know I'm a hypocrite, I admit it.
Around certain people my opinions tend to change, sometimes unknowingly...I have to be careful to catch myself when it happens.
I've definitely said things against my belief in god, probably in the past week...possibly even yesterday (i think i remember an instance of this scenario when I was talking to Atticus, and Suveena corrected me...)
What I'm trying to say is...these are my beliefs (everything I've stated in this blog)
I'm not atheist because I don't deny there's a god
I'm not agnostic because I'm not skeptical in my beliefs and have set up a set belief in a sort of god that I have faith in.
but, I'm also not religious, because religious structure holds the same sort of hypocrisy I'm trying to stay away from.
I'm just a spiritual creature trying to find my place in this Universe.
*I don't condone the inclusion of sheep into Roman Orgies...Animals have no way of saying "yes" or "no", so essentially all animal-sex is rape (if you listen to those fliers hanging around high school).
p.s. I now identify as quazimoto-sexual. represent! |
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| New Music For Miles (Both Good and Bad) |
[May. 17th, 2006|12:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Type of Sexiness |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | Current Noise |
| | Ugly Casanova | ] |
The New Red Hot Chili Peppers Album sucks
like, makes my ears bleed as I vomit up my intestines all while I long to hear their last album (which I don't even like), type of sucks...
it's really, really, really, really bad.
"really?"
yes, really...
so what do I do to cope, you might ask?
No, I didn't actually listen to their last album (I still have my dignity after all)
and no, I didn't even listen to their good albums (It's a little too soon I guess...)
I wrap my ears around the sweet folk melodies of Modest Mouse + Ugly Casanova (basically more experimental Modest Mouse), and the beautiful, rose-tinted music from Camera Obscura's new album.
Camera Obscura made it all better, too pretty for words (i guess that's why they're expressed in songs?)
Issac Brock's voice helped too (for fear of sounding like a fan-boy...okay, I'm a fan-boy.)
and now, I quote:
"shey shaw shey shaw" |
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| Fading Lines We Swore to Tear Apart (or, Emo Is Dead...at last?) |
[May. 11th, 2006|05:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Type of Sexiness |
| | spacy and spicy | ] |
| [ | Current Noise |
| | We the Vehicles (Maritime) | ] |
Yes. I guess Emo is finally dead.
Or at least not living...
Make way for the genre "Post-Emo".
I don't know what to think of this.
Not that I was particularly Too fond of it ever,
but there's something comforting about listening to a lo-fi, stripped down recording,
just a guitar and a voice...sometimes tears
, and the most cliche, cheesy, shallow lyrics
-which are, at the same time, more honest then any of the pretentious bullshit that most rock bands call lyrics...an honesty that has made me blush in the past (I guess because I relate to it?)
Haven't we all at one time wanted to just pick up a guitar and sing our depressed hearts out (Even if it's just a passing phase of sadness)....
for fallen loves,
fallen graces, or even
fallen steps...
I never was good at playing the geeetar, but I've definitely written some lyrics that would be classified as "emo"...shallow context and schoolyard subject-matter and all... (I keep them all in a quite colorful notebook labeled "my dark secrets")
its all quite cheesy...but i guess thats why i love it.
Arent we all just kids at heart anyway? Why not be honest about it?
Anyway, here I am writing another half-minded blog as my mind feels hazed with the sleepy feeling you get on a day that's slightly too sunny and hot.
nonsense, nonesuch, and all that jazz.
things are going well.
with my movie, with life, with my lovely Suveena...
Sometimes I feel like that song "daydream" (either the one by lovin' spoonful or the smashing pumpkins...you pick, they both fit my mood)
I think it's sun.
Is anyone else excited about the new Red Hot Chili Peppers release?
....or have they really just died away, like emo, with no hope of returning their funky-fresh alternative jam-styles of yesteryear?
blast.
p.s. for all you non-RHCP fans....Camera Obscura is coming out with a new album (which in some ways I'm more excited about)
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| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2006|12:34 am] |
| [ | Current Type of Sexiness |
| |  Undecided | ] |
I've decided I need a new male best friend.
I was talking to Jesse today and he made me feel better about myself.
My current "best" male friend, who everyone can pretty much name, hurts my feelings a lot.
I wish I was more self-confident, then I probably wouldn't have this problem. |
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| Are You an Actor? Want to Be in a Movie? |
[Nov. 23rd, 2005|10:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Type of Sexiness |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | Current Noise |
| | Reservoir Dogs (OST) | ] |
Smurf and I have completed half of our screenplay in just around 2 weeks...It will probably be finished by January at the most.
If you are an actor and/or know any, Spread the word: Smurf and Melos will be filming a movie soon...Auditions will be held immediately after we have a completed and revised version which we consider to be finished.
We're both quite broke, so we can't pay anyone, but it's going to be a kick-ass movie to make/be in and just the publicity from being in a movie (no matter how small) should be payment enough. What kind of world do we live in anyway? Money is just dirty, germy, shit-coke-heroin-urine-vomit-AIDS-Leper-infested paper that is only valuable because the government says it is...do you really something so gross? =P
Anyway, if you are interested in being a movie email me at "genderless_films@yahoo.com" with a way to contact you and you shall receive a copy of the screenplay as soon as it's done, along with information on when Auditions will be held. |
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